Friday, August 6, 2010/3:20 PM
■ The heart is a muscle. And when it's torn , it grows back stronger.
" I'll be so unpredictable that you won't be able to understand me. "
(This is going to be a ranting post , sorry for being wordy after getting back to blogger after so long. I'll come up with a proper post soon , promise)
I just can't explain this emotions I'm feeling. Yes it's the past like we all said . Everyone has a past. But what if it effects me ? Just what if I know that I would get upset after reading the past. Perharps to you , you think that I would just walk away after reading the past. But clearly to me , I won't do such things. Yes I would get upset , emotional , affected etc. But deep down what I really want you to do is to ensure me day by day that I'm 'really the one' . Apparently it seems that you said the same thing to your past. I'm confused right now. No it's not that I don't trust you or want to quarrel with you . It's just how my mind works. Face it , I'm sorry it's tough but you've gotta learn to face it just like how I'm taking one step at a time to love you for who you truly are. Things might get rough between us at times , we had countless of arguements , hanging of phone calls , walking off and chasing each other all that chaos , yes it's tiring , but to me , that's one way of how we get to understand each other and prevent such things from happening in the future. I know in one way or another the past has done even much more better things to you that made you so in love. I read your past , I'm sorry I know you deleted it to prevent me from screwing up with my mind. I told myself not to , but I just couldn't help it. Right now ...... I'm just disturbed whereby some words seems to be familiar to me. Same script different cast? I really hope not. I've so many questions to ask you , but I keep reminding myself that it's pointless or I should find them out myself. But whenever I find them out myself , you get mad and say I should ask you straight instead , but when it comes to the point whereby I ask you straight , you would try not to answer it . Please , sometimes it does makes me feel insecured. We've all had our bad history with people , love , etc . But what really matters now is just you and me , just the both of us. I really hope that one day , without me asking , you could tell me all your secrets.
I really do hope this relationship would last till we get married. I know it sounds almost impossible as what people would normally say that it's just a relationship or that feelings would fade. I don't expect you to ever read this post. But if you do , please tell me how you feel. How you truly feel . It can be anything . As long as it's truly deep down from your heart to share it with me .
I know you love me , I love you too. I just need some reassurance from you from time to time as you know. Right now I just can't stop thinking about the past of yours. Maybe I'm not good enough.
